Getting the Love You Want
Harville Hendrix's Getting the Love You Want is the foundational text of Imago Relationship Therapy and one of the most enduringly popular couples books of the last forty years. Hendrix, working with his wife and co therapist Helen LaKelly Hunt, argues that we unconsciously choose romantic partners who resemble a composite of our primary caregivers, then reenact the wounds of childhood inside the marriage in hopes of finally healing them. The book guides couples through the predictable arc of romantic love, power struggle, and conscious partnership, then provides a structured set of dialogues, exercises, and visualization tools designed to interrupt reactive patterns and rebuild empathy. Hendrix presents Imago Dialogue, a slow turn taking process of mirroring, validating, and empathizing, as the core technology of the work. The result is a self help classic that has shaped countless workshops, therapist trainings, and ordinary kitchen table conversations about why marriage often feels like the hardest thing two adults can do.
Themes & atmosphere
What you might want to know about Getting the Love You Want
The questions readers send us most often, answered without spoilers.
A therapist argues that adults unconsciously pick partners who echo their childhood wounds, then offers a structured program of dialogues and exercises designed to turn that fight into a path back to connection.
The book is self-help structured around Imago therapy techniques. Hendrix and Hunt also train licensed therapists in Imago. The book is widely recommended in marriage counseling but is not a replacement for working with a therapist on serious relationship issues.
Getting the Love You Want was written by Harville Hendrix, published in 1988 by Atria Books.
Getting the Love You Want is 320 pages in standard print editions, though page counts vary slightly between hardcover, paperback, and large-print formats.
At an average reading pace of about 250 words per minute, Getting the Love You Want takes most readers 5 to 7 hours to finish.
Getting the Love You Want is a standalone novel by Harville Hendrix, not part of a series.
Getting the Love You Want is available in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook formats from Amazon, Bookshop.org, ThriftBooks, and most major bookstores.